The Intelligence Estimate

So Jen and I have been in our new apartment now for about two weeks and clearly the honeymoon is over between us and the apartment.

I am convinced that the place is haunted.

The other day I flushed the toilet and the water went down and the bowl filled back up with water. You're thinking, "Great...isn't that what you want to happen?" And the answer is, "Yes, but not FIFTEEN TIMES!" The water went down, the water went up, the water went down, the water went up, the water went down.... I lost count how many times. It was early and I was waiting to get in the shower, which is a related problem. Now, I've lived in apartments where the water pressure varies when you turn on the faucet or flush the toilet. I've even lived in places where the pressure fluctuates when people in OTHER APARTMENTS do those things. But there seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why my shower suddenly is slowed to a trickle and scalding hot. I think it does it when people just THINK about showering.

And while we're on the subject of water, the washing machines in the building are truly some piece of work. Allow me to set the scene. It is in fair Verona where we lay our scene...and by Verona I mean an old apartment in northern Chicago. There are two washers and two driers. All of them large, industrial grade machines. Each of the units, each washer and each drier, are plugged into their own outlet. However, each of those outlets run to the same set of wires, so essentially they are all running from the same source. It costs a dollar to wash and a dollar to dry. They are located in a spacious room in the basement which is lit by two hanging flourescent lights that are on separate switches. Let the fun begin.

I was down there earlier this week with four loads of laundry. There was one light turned on in the laundry room. I tunred on the OTHER light and loaded the washers. When I pushed the quarters into the machines and they roared to life the light dimmed noticably. I thought nothing of it. I had been down there the week before and the same thing happened.

When the clothes were done in the washers, I loaded up both driers. And put my next trwo loads in the washer. I started the washers and then went back to the driers to start them. I put the quarters in the first drier and pushed the start button. The lights went almost completely off and the machine hesitated while I waited in the darkness. Then it too roared to life. I went to the next drier and did the same. However this one wouldn't turn over. I held the button longer. The lights dimmed more. I also noticed the lights on the two washers and the other drier dimming too. I gave it one last shot. I held the button down again and the first light in the room dimmed almost to off. The second light in the room went completely off. The washers slowed down and the first drier shut off. I wondered what I was doing to the rest of the building. I imagined TVs flickering and apartments being thrust into blackness. Meals being interrupted and movies being ground to a halt. I rather enjoyed the momentary power I had...and the drier didn't.

All things considered I would have rather had dry underwear.