I got an e-mail from my good friend Maxwell Adama the other day. If you've never heard me talk of Max before it is only because I didn't know anything about him until last week. It seems that Max is the Auditing and Accounting Manager of the Bank of Africa in Burkina Faso and, due to some accounting snafu, he's been left with a large sum of unclaimed money. It belonged to a German man who died, along with his entire family, in a plane crash in 2000.
"Whatever will he do," you ask?
It seems that a clerical loophole allows foreigners to pose as next of kin and claim the fortune for themselves! All I need to do is send Max all of my personal information and we can split the money. Ten percent is apportioned for processing fees. Then the remainder is split between myself (30%) and Max (60%.)
How could this go wrong?
When I first heard this I thought, "Remember when this scam was the sole property of Nigerian royalty? What took the rest of the continent so long?"
Now naturally I have some questions about this arrangement. How exactly am I going to prove that I am related to the dead guy? I have no connection to him whatsoever except that his name appeared in a shady e-mail from the Bank of Africa that I received last week. Is that all the more connection you need? Because if it is I think I can see why Africa is in the shape it's in! Or are they trying to tell us that all white people look alike to them? Touche Bank of Africa! Well played.
The other part I have a problem with is the portions. Thirty percent? I'm supposed to give up my bank account numbers and routing information to an African pyramid scheme for 30% of the take? Don't insult me. Offer me the 60 percent share and then, due to unforeseen expenses, banking embargoes and tariffs, keep weaseling my share down to the 30 percent I was going to get anyway! But don't START at 30 percent. Even if you were going to hack my percentage down to 7 or 8 later, don't start at such a low number! I don't get out of bed in the morning for less than 60 percent of any unclaimed fortune! Please Bank of Africa, you demean us both!
Labels: Africa, Bank of Africa, Burkina Faso, Pyramid Scheme
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