The Intelligence Estimate

Why do all newborns look like Winston Churchill?
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We went out to eat with Sophie for the first time two days ago. Is it child abuse to expose her to that much easy listening music?
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I put together a rocking chair for Sophie's room today. I've assembled a chest of drawers, a crib, an end table and now a rocking chair. If you want to reduce teen pregnancy don't threaten them with talk of unwanted children, tell them sex leads to carpentry. Why do you think there are so many Amish? Those are some HANDY people!

Labels: Amish, Baby, Carpentry, Music, Winston Churchill

Sophie was born on Friday, October 24, 2008 at 8:24a.m. She was 6 lbs. 11 oz and her length was...uh...baby-sized. Honestly they didn't measure her right away and we didn't catch it when they did so we're not really sure. But it doesn't matter. It's a needless statistic. It won't effect the value of her rookie card.

Mom and baby are doing fine. Jen is AMAZING! More on that later. Here are some photos.



First photo. Taken minutes after she was born.



Jen did an amazing job. She is tough as nails that one!



Left to right: Nina (our nurse), Amy (our friend and birth coach), Jen (my hero), Linda (our midwife) and some sap holding a baby.



Sophie



I'm watching you! Seriously, she sleeps with one eye open!

Jen started having contractions today around 2 p.m. Right now (approximately 11:30 p.m.) we're just waiting around for the pain to become unbearable and then we will be going to the hospital.

That's a really odd sentence to have to write. We're just waiting for Jen's pain to become unbearable. It seems like all the bench marks at this point of the game are bizarre, painful, disgusting or some combination of all three. Jen passed her mucus plug. (Bizarre and disgusting) Jen told me that diarrhea is a good sign of the onset of labor. (Bizarre, disgusting and potentially painful) And now we are waiting for the contractions to become unbearable (Painful.)

I am doing the only thing I am qualified to do...nothing.

More as the situation warrants.

"I've got this crazy feeling that you've been trying to get to me when all you have to do is calmly call me. Calmly."

-Barenaked Ladies

Work has been a little crazy lately. Every time I step through the door people ask me, "has she had the baby yet?" I know it comes from a good place but it gets old very quickly. I feel like some kind of side show freak. COME AND SEE THE AMAZING MATERNITY MAN! Don't be afraid little ones, step right up and ask him anything you like!

"When's she due?"

"Are you nervous?"

"How's she feeling?"

"You must be pretty nervous, huh?"

"Is she ready for this to be over?"

"You've got to be so nervous right now, right?"

"Is she still working?"

"So are you nervous yet?"

In all honesty I've been nervous for 9 months, but I've gotten used to it. I've been adjusting pretty well, but when you get 25 people a day asking you if you're nervous you begin to think, "Maybe they know something I don't."

My pat answer at this point is, "You know what? I wasn't nervous until you mentioned it. Thanks!" Because if I'm gonna be nervous, I at least wanna make them feel bad for making me nervous. It's my passive-aggressive, scorched earth policy towards interpersonal communication.

The other question I get a lot is, "So do you have a pager or something? How can she get a hold of you?" And I'm just enough of a pessimist to hear in that, "I know you haven't thought of this for yourself so let me clue you in, she's gonna want to contact you when she goes into labor."

So I lash out, "Nope, I don't even have my phone with me." Which is a lie, but I love to see the panic on their faces. Who's nervous now?

So the other night at work I get a phone call from Jen, but I can't get to my cell phone in time to answer it and it goes right into voice mail. Knowing that there is a cadre of people around me who flip out every time they see me answer my phone, I slip into the stairwell to take it. Without even listening to the message I call home to see what's going on. Jen, who was in the middle of leaving me a message, clicks over and answers.

"Guess what?"

Knowing that the baby is already a few days over due and already primed with fear a thousand questions go through my mind.

"Do you need me to call you a cab? Is your bag packed? Do I need to come home and get the car? Should I drive you? Do you just want to meet me at the hospital? Should I get someone to cover the rest of my shift? What's the fastest way to the hospital? Cab? Car? Train? Ultralite?"

I must have been silent (flipping through all the possible questions) for too long because Jen continues, "guess who cannot figure out how to turn on the TV?"

My wife's not stupid, and, to be fair, our TV does seem to be designed specifically to confuse people. You have one channel for the cable, one for the VCR, one for the Wii and one for the xBox. Then there are no less than three different remotes needed to carry out any given function and any number of variables that can happen within each one of the peripheral's domains that can effect the TV's functionality. And given the fact the she doesn't watch as much TV as I do, it is perfectly reasonable that she might not be able to decipher the codes for turning it off and on.

That being said, it's no reason to give me a heart attack either.

"Turn it to channel 73 and you should be fine," I said.

"Ok. Thanks."

"Don't ever do that again."

"I'm sorry. The TV's just so complicated, and with company here I got distracted...."

She didn't even realize what she'd done. After explaining to her how she almost killed me, she apologized. In the meantime, until our daughter arrives, we've agreed that when she calls me she will always start with, "Everything's fine, I'm not going into labor!"

Call me.

Calmly.

Hi everybody.

I haven't written here for over a year. Is anyone still out there? Let me know if you're still there or if you wanna be taken off the mailing list or whatever.

Anyway, let me catch you up on the major events of the last year: I did my one man show for 8 weeks here in Chicago, I got an Xbox (thus the new tab on the top of the blog site marked My Xbox Live Profile), I got a full time job at Blue Man Group, I made a movie and got into 2 festivals, I made another movie that I'm currently editing and Jen and I are expecting a child any day now.

That last one is really the reason I relaunched this blog. I wanted to have a space where I could post for all the relatives who couldn't be here and anyone else who wants to keep up with our little girl. (Oh, by the way, it's a girl...we're not giving out her name until she gets here.)

So keep your eyes on this sight for more info on the impending birth. This is your one stop shopping for all things baby!

Labels: Baby, Blue Man Group, Film Festivals, Film Making, Xbox