The Intelligence Estimate

Hi everybody.

I haven't written here for over a year. Is anyone still out there? Let me know if you're still there or if you wanna be taken off the mailing list or whatever.

Anyway, let me catch you up on the major events of the last year: I did my one man show for 8 weeks here in Chicago, I got an Xbox (thus the new tab on the top of the blog site marked My Xbox Live Profile), I got a full time job at Blue Man Group, I made a movie and got into 2 festivals, I made another movie that I'm currently editing and Jen and I are expecting a child any day now.

That last one is really the reason I relaunched this blog. I wanted to have a space where I could post for all the relatives who couldn't be here and anyone else who wants to keep up with our little girl. (Oh, by the way, it's a girl...we're not giving out her name until she gets here.)

So keep your eyes on this sight for more info on the impending birth. This is your one stop shopping for all things baby!

Labels: Baby, Blue Man Group, Film Festivals, Film Making, Xbox

Customer (on the phone): Hey, I'm from out of town. We're staying downtown at the Sofitel and we just wanted to know if you're near anything.

What I actually said was, "I'm not sure I understand the question." What I meant to say was, "No ma'am we exist in a vacuum in the inky black nothingness of space. The only way to get here is through your mind." Honestly, were in the third largest city in the nation were gonna be near SOMETHING!

Labels: Blue Man Group

I had my evaluation today. It was overwhelmingly positive. But, you know me: I can only focus on the negative. So I say to the crew member whose criticism of me was that I am "a little tall," I am working on it. Next year I WILL BE SHORTER!

Labels: Blue Man Group, Evaluations, Work

Actual conversation with a woman on the phone who was trying to buy tickets:

ME- We have row H seats 7 and 8.

HER- Ok, well I'm on your website right now and I...do you have...uh...where can I find...the thing that...shows the ...thing?

ME- (stunned silence over her complete mastery of the English language*) You mean a map?

HER- YEAH, that's it!

*I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong English WAS her first language!

Labels: Anger, Blue Man Group, Lakeview Neighborhood, Phone, Work

"That reminds me of the time my cousin got bit by my pirhana."

Not words you hear at YOUR work place? That's because you don't work with Mr. James Smith! What made this story even better was that it came on the heels of my friend Ryan telling a story about cutting his hand peeling potatoes and my story about cutting my finger while making a cross section of a potato for a botany class. So you can see how pirhanas spring immediately to mind.

The long and the short of the story are pretty simple. When James was a kid his cousin asked if the fish would bite him. James thought that was a stupid question so he answered with a sarcastic, "No, they won't bite you." The rest is fish food.

Now, that story in and of itself is amusing, but it also follows a pattern for James life.

About three years ago he was in a drive through wildlife park in Sandusky, Ohio with his cousins. At the park they give you buckets of carrots to feed to the animals. (Although I like to think of James just carrying buckets of food with him wherever he goes. A bucket of carrots, 5 gallons of mashed potatoes, a 55 gallon drum of ribs, a palette of hot sauce...and if you've ever seen him eat it doesn't sound that far fetched.)

Now there was a brilliant wildebeest who was stalking the car the whole time. The wildebeest, we'll call him Louis, had his one carrot but he could not be sated. Louis kept after the car. "More carrots, " he pleaded. This made James angry and he refused to feed the "Greedy mofo." (I attempted to explain to him that the wildebeest was not greedy, just smart...and an animal, but James persisted in believing that it was a personal attack.) So Louis stalked the car like a ninja and when the moment was right he stole the entire bucket of carrots. James needed to be physically restrained from chasing Louis. No one, including James, is quite sure what he was going to do with Louis if he caught him but you can rest assured that nature would be taught a lesson.

Just like that damned dolphin who had the audacity to splash him when James was 11. After the show James went up to the pool and slapped the top of the water to call the dolphin over to him just like the trainers do when they feed the dolphins. So the dolphin is expecting to be fed. He surfaces by James unaware of the animal rage coursing through the man tapping the water. James punched the dolphin.

Labels: Animals, Blue Man Group, James Smith, Work