The Intelligence Estimate

Only an estimate. Actual intelligence may vary.


It's a Union Job

I hate when handymen of any trade come over to the house. I always feel violated somehow. Like they're judging me. I feel like they are scrutinizing the way that I live and if I were a better person I wouldn't need to call in a wrench monkey to come lay hands on my pipes...or whatever it is they do.

Earlier this week a "team" showed up to tuck point the exterior of the apartment. For those of you unfamiliar with tuck pointing it is a masonry project where the exterior brick work is sealed by a process consisting of old Italian stereotypes yelling obscene things at each other at the top of their lungs. Somehow that keeps the water out of the house. My guess is that the water is just afraid to come in now.

So for two whole days we were held hostage by swarthy jerks on scaffolds who wanted nothing more than to scream our place sealed. Sophie, who has been a fitful sleeper as of late, slept through the whole thing.


This concerns me on a lot of levels. Not the least of which is that I am afraid now that when it comes to hiring a sitter we are going to need to find a Teamster with tourettes.

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My Apologies

I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I just thought the people who mentioned it saw something that I didn't see. I know it seems absurd, but I honestly didn't notice. So I'd like to say "I'm sorry" to all the people who asked me in the last year, "have you lost weight?" I didn't mean to lose my temper or insinuate that you thought I was fat. I just didn't realize I was losing weight.

Apparently, according to no less an authority than my doctor, I have lost 17 and a half pounds over the last year.

So the upside is I'm now almost 20 pounds lighter, the downside is I'm convinced I have chronic wasting disease or perhaps a large tape worm. Been nice knowin' ya!

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The Great Pumpkin!



I think I am legally required to do this to my child...







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