I moved to Chicago from Des Moines (Please stop, your pity is not necessary!) so I am continually amazed at the number of street performers here.
Walking to work on a Saturday I pass acrobats, a jazz band, a puppet show, balloon animal artists, one of those statue people (is standing still REALLY a talent?), a break dancer painted silver and a bagpiper in full Scottish regalia. Whenever I pass these people I can’t resist the urge to try to assemble them all into one long impromptu variety show.
Why doesn’t the jazz band play back up for the puppet show? The balloon animal people could decorate the statue lady. Standing still while having a life-sized Elmo balloon tied to your leg? THAT’S a talent! Acrobats, well…they’re just acrobats. You can’t really improve on those much, unless you involve fire in some capacity. (Note to self….) But the big final number would be the bagpiper break dancing number, or as I like to call it break piping!
It’s better than bag dancing. Well, less obscene anyway.
Yeah, I’m the Ziegfeld of street performers. If I can get the NEA involved there will be no stopping us!
I was accosted downtown the other day. It wasn’t a panhandler, it wasn’t a religious zealot and it wasn’t even one of those people who hand out menus on the street. (By the way, how useless are they? They invariably hit you when you’re not in your neighborhood and when you’re not hungry. So by the time that you ARE hungry you’re in a different zip code that they don’t deliver to!)
No, I was dive bombed by pigeons.
I was standing at the corner of Michigan and Chestnut waiting to cross to Water Tower Place Mall and these pigeons were circling the intersection. With each circle they were getting lower and lower, swooping down toward the helpless pedestrians below. I was reminded of Tippi Hedren and all the people pecked to death in “The Birds.” The light changed and I bravely stepped off the sidewalk. The birds seemed angry, like they had a grudge against humanity.
“They’re more scared of you than you are of them,” I told myself. That seemed improbable. I don’t think the pigeons were worried about whether or not WE were incontinent.
Michigan and Chestnut is like the intersection of Chicago landmarks. The Hancock building was across the street to my left. The Water Tower from the great Chicago Fire is a block south. The Drake Hotel and the Palmolive Buildings are a few blocks north. Mike Ditka’s is a block west. There’s a lot of history at that intersection…and a lot of MONEY.
I have no idea why these birds are so angry. I mean, look where they live. Do they know what rent goes for in that neighborhood?
