The Intelligence Estimate

Only an estimate. Actual intelligence may vary.


State of the Arts

The latest reality series to hit the internet is called STS-121 Discovery. It's about a plucky bunch of misfits who are forced to work together under impossible circumstances (space) to overcome incredible odds (public apathy towards manned space flight.) So far, its two standouts are Mike Fossum and Dr. Piers Sellers.

Lead spacewalk officer Tomas Gonzalez-Torres was quoted by CNN as saying, "'They are definitely jokesters,' Gonzalez-Torres said, noting the British-born Sellers has an unusual sense of humor that sometimes needs translating. 'They are so much fun.'"

That's kind of faint praise for people who are supposed to be repairing and restocking the International Space Station isn't it? No one's asking about their scientific credentials. No one is questioning the validity or scientific necessity of the space program. The mission fact sheet has more information on the flight crew's hobbies than on their qualifications. And now we find out that the two spacewalkers are just like you and me, but with a wicked sense of humor?! Is Rosie O'Donnell running this PR campaign? All of a sudden the NASA press has all the authority and journalistic gravitas of a People Magazine expose on the horrors of a bad haircut. (Mission Specialist and crossword enthusiast Lisa Nowak reviews the new crossword puzzle movie Wordplay. Plus, Commander Steve Lindsey and Pilot Mark Kelly battle it out in a hot oil pit to see which one is sexier! The winner? The American Public!)

This is CNN's reporting on the hilarity that was the spacewalk:

"Everyone can hear you scream," Fossum said at the beginning of their orbital excursion. It was a twist on the tag line from the movie "Alien": "In space, no one can hear you scream."

Sellers retorted: "About the time I get outside, I'll put on my alien costume."

An Alien joke? Timely. As if ripped from todays headlines. What other hackneyed bits are we going to be taking for a stroll? The difference between New York and LA? Why do men leave the toilet seat up? "You think airline food is bad? Try the shuttle. This stuff is so awful I walked out on the flight!" Be careful with those jokes boys, they're antiques.

At one point, Discovery pilot Mark Kelly radioed to Fossum, an accomplished Eagle Scout, and said the Boy Scouts would be impressed, but if he had botched his task they would have taken away his Eagle, a lifelong honor.

They would make Fossum "a sparrow," Sellers cracked, making up a nonexistent award.

Man, the hits just keep coming! If only there was a wacky neighbor!

When a cover for the pump module enveloped Fossum's head, he said, "I just threw a sheet over my head."

Missed an obvious Klan joke there. You could also go with a safer Casper reference. Scooby-Doo also comes readily to mind or possibly a crack about the "sheet's" threadcount being higher than the shuttle is right now. Those are just a few things right off the top of my head. I'm not even trying here!

Then the duo turned their tongues at Discovery commander Steve Lindsey, teasing him for being overly caffeinated.

"Just keep him away from the chocolate-covered coffee beans; he's probably vibrating by now," Fossum said.

Wow.

If anyone at NASA is reading this, I have references and am available for parties, private shows and shuttle missions. There is no opening act. I work alone. Which is why space would be the perfect place for me. Miles from everyone. Where the bad jokes just burn up on re-entry!

Say goodnight Gracie!

0 Responses to “State of the Arts”

Post a Comment



© 2006 The Intelligence Estimate | Blogger Templates by GeckoandFly.
No part of the content or the blog may be reproduced without prior written permission.
Learn how to make money online | First Aid and Health Information at Medical Health