I think this letter is pretty self-explanatory, but I'm usually wrong. So here's a little background. My wife, Jen, along with most of the rest of her accelerated bachelor of science in nursing (ABSN) class at Loyola University, missed a "mandatory" luncheon where program evaluations were handed out. The program evaluations are used to keep the Loyola nursing program accredited. So when over 90 percent of the class missed the luncheon, the faculty threw a hissy fit. Dr. Sheila Haas is the dean of the school of nursing and, apparently, the grand marshall of the passive-aggressive parade. Anyway, I wrote the following letter defending my wife's honor in the whole mess. Enjoy.
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Dear Dr. Haas:
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Chris Gummert. I am the husband of ABSN student Jennifer Hughes. And, while it is certainly not my place to do so, let me apologize for her absence from the end-of-year luncheon in honor of the ABSN students. She was working a 12-hour shift that day to complete her clinical role transition. Why anyone would choose to work a 12-hour shift at a thankless job for no pay when the promise of a free sandwich is dangled over her head is beyond me. Between her myriad of clinical duties and the many demands of class work, she must have decided that a turkey on rye was not as important to her as delivering children at Lutheran General Hospital. Clearly her priorities are misaligned. As we used to say back in Iowa, "There ain't nothing a free sammich can't fix!"
I'm sure that you, with your many years in the nursing field, understand better than most how easy it is to reschedule your time on a nursing floor. Just make a phone call. Talk to your preceptor, find out what her schedule is, make yourself available when she is available unless that conflicts with the stated course timeline (or conflicts with your schedule), in which case you'll need to check with someone else on that floor (someone else who also knows where you are in your studies and knows what you need to be shown) to make sure that you can shadow them when both they and you are available. It couldn't be simpler. Why couldn't she just make herself available? Her loyalty is not to her preceptor nor the patients that are "relying" on her; it is to the institution that is providing her with an education (and tasty snacks!)
And what of this course evaluation? Did Jennifer not know that there was a course evaluation handed out at this luncheon? A course evaluation that is MANDATORY? A course evaluation that, when turned in to the proper authorities, means that her thoughtful, sandwich-procuring college can keep its accreditation? She must have known! If she cannot juggle 12-hour shifts, course work, sleep deprivation, random e-mails from faculty that say one thing, e-mails from administration that says another thing and information from student liaisons that say still another thing, how can she be expected to make it in the world of nursing? She should be ashamed of herself! That is just not critical thinking! I would say anyone who cannot sift through that pile of information does not deserve to call herself an alumnus of Loyola University...except that she got really good grades and we already paid $30,000 for the education.
If book-learning and free sammiches cannot beat some sense into these ne'er-do-wells, then perhaps it is time for some outside help. I am making it my personal goal to insure that not only her evaluation, but the evaluation of each and every ingrate in the ABSN program is turned in to you in a timely fashion. If the Loyola staff cannot keep track of students' addresses and whereabouts, nor make sure they all have the proper information when it will be useful to them, surely one lone spouse can! That's called peer pressure! (Well, actually I didn't jump through all the flaming hoops of a perpetually rescheduled class or suffer through the humiliation of an increasingly condescending e-mail battle, so technically I am not a peer, but the principle is the same.)
By the way, do you know where I can buy a truncheon? You know what? Never mind. If the authorities ask, it's better that you don't know about it. Forget I said anything. Mum's the word.
Forever vigilant,
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Chris Gummert. I am the husband of ABSN student Jennifer Hughes. And, while it is certainly not my place to do so, let me apologize for her absence from the end-of-year luncheon in honor of the ABSN students. She was working a 12-hour shift that day to complete her clinical role transition. Why anyone would choose to work a 12-hour shift at a thankless job for no pay when the promise of a free sandwich is dangled over her head is beyond me. Between her myriad of clinical duties and the many demands of class work, she must have decided that a turkey on rye was not as important to her as delivering children at Lutheran General Hospital. Clearly her priorities are misaligned. As we used to say back in Iowa, "There ain't nothing a free sammich can't fix!"
I'm sure that you, with your many years in the nursing field, understand better than most how easy it is to reschedule your time on a nursing floor. Just make a phone call. Talk to your preceptor, find out what her schedule is, make yourself available when she is available unless that conflicts with the stated course timeline (or conflicts with your schedule), in which case you'll need to check with someone else on that floor (someone else who also knows where you are in your studies and knows what you need to be shown) to make sure that you can shadow them when both they and you are available. It couldn't be simpler. Why couldn't she just make herself available? Her loyalty is not to her preceptor nor the patients that are "relying" on her; it is to the institution that is providing her with an education (and tasty snacks!)
And what of this course evaluation? Did Jennifer not know that there was a course evaluation handed out at this luncheon? A course evaluation that is MANDATORY? A course evaluation that, when turned in to the proper authorities, means that her thoughtful, sandwich-procuring college can keep its accreditation? She must have known! If she cannot juggle 12-hour shifts, course work, sleep deprivation, random e-mails from faculty that say one thing, e-mails from administration that says another thing and information from student liaisons that say still another thing, how can she be expected to make it in the world of nursing? She should be ashamed of herself! That is just not critical thinking! I would say anyone who cannot sift through that pile of information does not deserve to call herself an alumnus of Loyola University...except that she got really good grades and we already paid $30,000 for the education.
If book-learning and free sammiches cannot beat some sense into these ne'er-do-wells, then perhaps it is time for some outside help. I am making it my personal goal to insure that not only her evaluation, but the evaluation of each and every ingrate in the ABSN program is turned in to you in a timely fashion. If the Loyola staff cannot keep track of students' addresses and whereabouts, nor make sure they all have the proper information when it will be useful to them, surely one lone spouse can! That's called peer pressure! (Well, actually I didn't jump through all the flaming hoops of a perpetually rescheduled class or suffer through the humiliation of an increasingly condescending e-mail battle, so technically I am not a peer, but the principle is the same.)
By the way, do you know where I can buy a truncheon? You know what? Never mind. If the authorities ask, it's better that you don't know about it. Forget I said anything. Mum's the word.
Forever vigilant,
Chris Gummert
PS- Do you have any of those sammiches left?
Jen... Let him send it! That's called peer pressure.
I needed a good laugh, thanks.
Taryn
that was great! I think you should just hit the send button and have the last laugh ;) ali