The Intelligence Estimate

I was at a concert last night and I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't bother me, but I missed work a month or so ago because I read the schedule wrong. They tried to call me from work, but I ignored the call because I didn't recognize the number. So now every time I get a call on my cell from a number I don't know I immediately start to think I've missed work and that I'm going to be fired. You see, being fired is one of the few things I'm good at. So good in fact that I did it from two consecutive jobs in totally different fields for...well...for much the same reasons. Work Force Development called it gross negligence, I called it raging against the machine!

Anyway, I say all of that to say this, I let the call go into voice mail and then I left to go listen to it immediately. Turns out it was a satisfied, yet concerned reader. A reader who wishes to remain nameless so for our purposes we'll call her Bertha. Why Bertha? Why not? How about for no other reason than it's a good, all-purpose comedy powerhouse? The workhorse of the humor names: BERTHA!

Bertha called me because she had recently been the subject of one of my blog entries and she was worried about the adverse effect it might have on her relationship. She wanted me to consider taking the post down.

The phone call started out like this,"I just read your blog and I laughed my ass off!" Good opener. No, GREAT opener. For those of you taking note at home (as I assume everyone does), appealing to my vanity is always a good option. However there are pitfalls. Tell me I'm funny and you will have my trust. Tell me I'm handsome and you have my suspicions. Bottom line, don't spread it on too thick. I'm vain, not stupid.

But Bertha (I laugh just thinking about that name!) played it just right. She then went on to say that she worried that the blog entry might damage her relationship with the person I wrote about. This was also a stellar move because it pre-supposes 2 important conceits: 1) my little web site is highly trafficked enough that the other half of her relationship would eventually fall prey to my clever marketing and rapier wit, and 2) I have the power, using nothing more than my intellect and my wordsmithery (if it ain't a word it should be!), to do permanent harm to her relationship. This appeals to the budding megalomaniac in me.

Then Bertha (if you're not on the floor laughing at that name by now you have no soul!) went in for the kill and asked me to take down the blog post. Now, I worked at a newspaper, so I know what it's like to be edited by people who don't know or appreciate your work. Given half a chance I would tell the editor to go to hell and not bring any sunscreen. (Oddly enough THAT wasn't one of the jobs I was fired from.) But Bertha played me like a friendless 14 year old plays World of Warcraft. I had no choice but to succumb to her pleas. And frankly, if she's that good on ME who she's only known for a few months, I don't know why she's worried about her other relationships.

Labels: Betha, Comedy, Concert