The Intelligence Estimate

Just a point of clarification for my family: leave my sperm alone. There. It's public record now. I consider this to be legally binding.

I didn't think you did, but apparently you have to make such announcements just in case you die and your parents want to extract your sperm before they bury you. It happened to a soldier in Israel.

The article never makes this abundantly clear but it appears he had the sperm stored (in a hospital, not in like a jug under his bed) before he died. Then when he died the family sued the hospital to get them to release it to them. The hospital was all like, "No. You're not a spouse." And the parents countered with, "Oh, you're one of those uptight hospitals, huh? I find that HOT!" And the hospital starts playing all hard to get and won't release it's sperm. So the parents buy the hospital a few drinks and now they're partying like rock stars. But the hospital is such a square that even a liter of Jack Daniels finest argument settler won't break its resolve. "Not unless you're married!" the hospital exclaims. And the parents counter with, "Wanna see a three way with our lawyer?" And the hospital gets really hot and bothered and reluctantly, but forcibly releases it's sperm...all over the couple and their lawyer. (Careful not to get any in your eye.)

But here's the weird part(yeah, it was NORMAL up to now): The parents went on TV to request that women contact them if they wanted to be impregnated with their son's sperm. The parents are pimping their son on national TV. And you just know that these are the type of parents who had a 10pm curfew for the kid growing up and wouldn't let him date until he was 18. Even then no one was good enough for mom.

"Why can't you find a nice girl to settle down with," mom would ask? "I could find you a better girl! I know lots of fine upstanding young women, why won't you let me help you?" And so she does. On national TV. And 200 women respond. Two hundred women see a mother on TV with her dead son's sperm and think, "I want to be a part of THIS family!"

I think dying may have just been an excuse to get away from his parents.

Labels: Hospital, Israel, Parents, Sperm, Weird News