The Intelligence Estimate

I have an abusive relationship with technology. Honestly, if a person ever treated me the way my iPod does then my friends would have staged an intervention long ago.

Today after work I turned off my iPod and went to plug it into my computer. iTunes didn't recognize that I had the iPod plugged in, so I exercised the only technical solution available to me: I unplugged it and plug it in again. Still nothing. Now I'm starting to worry. See, my computer has been doing a bunch of crazy stuff lately so I figure I need to reboot the hard drive (my other all-purpose solution) and plug it in again (the other panacea.) I do all that and it still won't recognize my iPod. It was only then that I realized that there was nothing on the screen of my iPod. Nothing at all. Blank. I unplugged it again (I really am a one trick pony when it comes to tech solutions) and started to mess with all the dials. That usually rouses the little guy. Still nothing. I unplug it and plug it into the wall outlet recharger. It's still dead. My mind floats back to the last time I had such a problem...and I am certifiably insane with rage.

"I just got the song count back to where it was before the...before the recent unpleasantness, " I screech!

For those of you keeping score at home, that was about 3500 songs! I decided that the only thing to do was to go down to the Apple Store and start taking hostages!

"Another step closer and this Powerbook gets it! Listen, my demands are firm. I will not negotiate. I am leaving here with an iPod that works or so help me God I will blast this Powerbook back to the stone age! That's right...you will have to have deck of cards to play solitaire then. Do you remember how to deal? Are you prepared for that headache? Do you even HAVE a deck of cards? Maybe somewhere in a junk drawer with an old phonebook and a ring of keys that you don't remember ever having. MAYBE. But you don't know do you? I didn't think so. Now get me MY iPOD!"

I walked into the Apple Store exuding fury from my every pore. I march up to the "Genius Bar" and wait my turn, but every minute I'm waiting I'm getting more and more livid. Finally the guy behind the counter calls my name. Here's my opportunity.

"What's wrong with your iPod?" the unsuspecting "genius" asks.

"It just up and died like common courtesy, middle class morality and the commitment to customer service that this once great country was built on, and I demand to know what you're going to do to set it right Poindexter!"

Then out loud I said, "I don't know."

"Well did you do a hard reset?"

"I think so."

What I meant by that is that I pressed a lot of buttons and shook it a little. Beyond that I am little out of my depth.

He pressed two buttons simultaneously and held them for about 10 seconds and the iPod sprang back to life. I scrolled through a few menus and everything was back to normal. I felt like an ass. TEN SECONDS! I spent 45 minutes on a bus for TEN SECONDS!

I looked down at the iPod and thought, "I swear he's not like this at home."