The Intelligence Estimate

As some of you may or may not already be aware of (how many more qualifiers can I cram into this sentence?) I am in an improv troupe that performs at The Playground Theater. I perform with the embarrassingly titled Cobra Death Snake, the improv troupe that thinks it's an action movie. And as even fewer of you may know(is that more or less qualifying?), we had our last show together as a troupe last night. We have all decided to go on and see other audiences. Better audiences. Married audiences.

As sometimes happens in comedy, there was a bachelorette party in the crowd. This happened a lot more frequently when I was working at the Funny Bone in Des Moines. What happens is that a group of women all get together to "celebrate" one of their friends getting married. Somehow that always involves copious amounts of alcohol, an embarrassingly adorned veil and a six foot inflatable penis. (Which, somehow, no one seems to be embarrassed about!) The women who planned the party are usually single for some reason (I'm sure that has nothing to do with their proximity to a 6 foot inflatable penis!) and they are mad at their friend for finding someone to spend the rest of her life with...and for making them all buy $300 dresses they will never wear again. So these women want to humiliate the engaged woman all night long. That is usually where the comedians (and the alcohol) come into play.

Well, last night's bachelorette party was a little more subdued. There were 5 bridesmaids attired in matching baby blue tee shirts that said, "bridesmaid" across the chest. The shirt was somewhat unnecessary because they were all with a women in a veil and white tee shirt that said "bride." I think we could have pieced that puzzle together ourselves.

But this is no ordinary veil. No, no, no! This is a veil festooned with condoms. As it was explained to us and anyone else who would listen, the bride was on a scavenger hunt for condoms. As they said, "for all the great sex she is going to be having." To which one of our improvisers, Holly, said, "Well I hope you're having a lot of great sex now. Gotta test drive the car before you buy it." I believe that it should be mentioned here that Holly is engaged right now as well so she knows of what she speaks. However it turns out that the bride is not much for test driving. And if I had to hazard a guess, I would say she doesn't even have a learners permit. When Holly inquired about her "great sex" the bride just shook her head and looked at the floor.

So who are the condoms for? Her husband or the groomsmen she's planning on driving cross-country before the big day? So many questions, so few answers.