The Intelligence Estimate

Ok, first the good news. I got a call back from that interview I went on yesterday. They want me to come in and shadow the full timer for a show. That is the next step to getting hired. However, my cynical side (which is not so much a side anymore...it's more of a vast majority) says they're not going to pay me for the shadowing and then not give me the job that way they get me to work for FREE! Well, I'll show them, I'll show up and do a really half-assed job! It's a foolproof plan.

Now, the bad news: killer dolphins on the loose! That's right, it's finally happened. The second smartest mammels on earth have armed themselves. Or, to be more accurate, the SMARTEST mammel on earth has armed the second smartest mammel on earth. Which makes you wonder who deserves the title more!

A story from the The Observer (http://urbanlegends.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://observer.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,1577753,00.html) noted that the US Navy has been arming dolphins with POISON DARTS for years. The "logic" behind that was to have them patrol around ships in harbor and ships anchored at sea to keep them safe from underwater spies. Apparently the spies would either be incapacitated by the darts or annoyed into submission by the dolphins incessant chattering. A third, somewhat less likely, attack scenario involves jumping through hoops for fish as a means of disarming an incoming torpedo.

Anyway, all the recent hurricane activity in the Gulf Coast has wrecked the holding pens of the dolphins and they have escaped into open water. In a related story tuna fishermen around the world are scared shitless.

Imagine the fishermen hauling in their tuna nets and, in addition to the two or three ordinary dolphins who get caught in their nets, they find Delta Force Flipper lying in wait for them. He gets off the first shot, but the wiley fisherman ain't going down like that. He uses his peg leg to deflect the dart as he whirls around for the harpoon. It's now a battle of wills. A tense stand off. The fisherman glares at Flipper's beady black eyes. A cold breeze blows a misplaced tumbleweed between the pair of gunfighters. Trigger fingers flinch. Otherwise, there is no movement whatsoever. But the dolphin has back up. His friends make a glorious "Free Willie" style jump over the boat, catching the fisherman off guard just long enough. Flipper knows this is his moment and he moves in for the kill! The fisherman is sent whirling with one well placed smack from the dolphin's flipper. And as the fisherman stares down the barrel of Flipper's gun, one thought races through his mind, "I wish I'd studied more for the SATs!" Flipper dispatches with the fisherman with the panache and calculated coolness of the action hero he's fast becoming. As he pulls the trigger he says, " I guess I'm the one who got away!"

Three days later the boat washes ashore and the other fishermen are amazed and horrified to find their colleague fileted, lying on a plate covered with tartar sauce.