The Intelligence Estimate

I was going out tonight to see a friend's improv troupe. They performed at IO at 12:30 a.m. in a show called The Cagematch where two teams compete head to head and then one gets eliminated. My team lost. Eh, whatever. I just wish those bookies took plastic.

Anyway, I say that to say this, I was leaving my house last night much later than I would normally. As I approached the train platform I started hearing people screaming. Not in pain, just like belligerant drunks. And the reason? Because they were belligerant drunks...are you paying attention? I live in Roger's Park, right across the street from Loyola University so there is never a shortage of college kids running hither and yon. Actually they don't run yon so much as they used to. I think it's because Yon pressed charges. But there's plenty of running hither...and possibly dither. Yeah, dither's cool. Hither and dither, together again and it feels so sweet! They never run helter skelter though, which is good because I didn't care for that movie.

Back to the drunks on the platform.

They are stretched out over the whole platform, so I try to get as far to the end as I could to get away from them. But they follow. More accurately, TWO follow. One skinny little girl and one chubby, one might say cherubic, girl. And Chubby's crying. Something about guy troubles. And she is just sobbing. "Blah, blah, blah, you don't know how it feels. This has been a horrible year. I'll never have anyone."

Now, chubby wasn't good looking to begin with, but she looked like she had been on a five day crying bender. Her eyes were puffy and red. It looked like every capillary in her head was staging a protest.

Geez, I thought, I don't know why you'd have any trouble finding a man. Maybe there's a stunning conversationalist under there somewhere, but it's currently drowning in it's own disgust. Gawd, pull yourself together...or at least get home so I don't have to watch it!

Finally the train shows up and I get on hoping to be done with the water works from the platform...but they get on the same car as I did. And to add insult to injury the train is loaded with college kids who, coincidentally, are also loaded. Each one on them looked like an add for drunken irresponsibility and sexual adventure. And now add our crying girl into the mix and I'm back in high school. The cool kids and their overt sexuality are trying each other on for size while the people sentient enough to have feelings are in the corner bawling their eyes out.

I was torn. I didn't care for the cherub crying her eyes out because she reminded me of me and my college days. Days when EVERYTHING was soooooooooooooooooooooo important and no one could possibly understand the existential strife of day to day living that was raging within me. But I also hated the "cool kids" who just drank their problems away while trading partners like baseball cards. They reminded me of all the things I never did in college, and all the people I detested due to their ignorance of the aforementiond strife. People who have always had everything and will continue to get whatever they want just because they're pretty.

So I did the only thing I could. I got off the train hating EVERYONE! It's the only fair thing to do.

Now I'm gonna go over to Yon's and get good and drunk. And if Hither and Dither drop by I will not be responsible for whatever hedonistic revelries ensue!