The Intelligence Estimate

I hate being approached by beggars in the street. I hate it for all of the normal reasons that people hate that stuff. But it also brings out a very ugly side in me: I start to critique their sales pitch. I can't help it. I don't want to, but I've spent the last 4 years in customer service so I can't turn it off so easily anymore.

There was a guy on the train tonight who I've seen on there before. He hasn't seen me though, he's blind. At least that's the story. He shuffles from car to car making wild googly eyes, swiping his cane and shaking his cup. He mutters the same tired story about how he cannot see and he cannot get a job (didn't stop Stevie Wonder!) and he has no one so please give. *shakes change* Well, my wife gave him a dollar tonight and he said, "Thank you." Here's why I think that's BS: how can you hear a dollar bill hit the bottom of a cup on a moving train? You can't. But he said, "Thank you." So how did he know she'd given?

BEST PLOY EVER:
Last night a guy came up to me and said he was stationed at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center...or some such place. He showed me a military ID and a driver's license and then told me he was 14 hours AWOL because of a cruel prank by some crewmates. He asked me for $3 for train fare. I gave.

WHAT WORKED:
Patriotism Who's gonna say no to a sailor during wartime?
Specificity He asked for $3, not "Whatever you can spare." Makes the story more genuine.
Showing I.D. NOW I believe you GI Joe!

WORST PLOY EVER:
A few months ago I saw a guy laying on the sidewalk on Michigan Avenue talking to everybody that went by. He addressed everyone by a personalized nickname. "Hey pretty lady, spare some change?" "Hey sweety, got some change for a homeless man?" Hey dude, help a brother out?" He looks at me and I wave him off. He says, "Have a good day big guy."

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:
Calling me fat! You're hungry? Well it's just too damned bad I ate everything before you got a chance to pal! If you're looking for a bite you can start with my butt because apparently that's a four course meal!