The Intelligence Estimate

Jen and I were in Northbrook the other day. I'm not sure why we were there exactly, and I'm even less certain why we ended up at the mall. You see, I hate suburbs and I hate malls. The suburbs are all so antiseptic it makes it appear as though they were built last week. In a lot of cases, that's not far from the truth. I don't live in a great part of Chicago, but it's far from a slum. And yet, every time I go to the suburbs they are so bright and sterile it makes me feel as though I am going toe to toe with death everyday in the city.

And malls are even worse. This particular mall had huge, upscale stores and loads of open coutyards in between them. There was even a small stream and a huge fake tree in the middle of it...presumably to commemorate the habitat that it wiped out to make room for the corporate monstrosity. And all of the people there look as though they were built from a kit. I passed a store where their advertising was going on and on about the originality and uniqueness of their mass produced skirts.

That's when it struck me, "This is not a mall, it's a Disneified version of reality. It's Consumerland!"

It's complete with all the attractions...

Gymboree- TOMORROWLAND

Abercrombie and Fitch- FRONTIERLAND

Apple Store- EPCOT

The drug dealer in the parking lot- SPACE MOUNTAIN

The parking lot- REALITY

I only had $1 on me qwhen I was there. I felt so outclassed. Not only was I underdressed, but I was broke too. You know what $1 gets you in a place like that? A lifetime supply of loathing.