The Intelligence Estimate

Today I was using a public computer to check my e-mail, which always seems a little bit like archeology to me. You know what you're looking for and you have a vague idea where it is but you have to dig through a lot of crap to get to it. And occasionally you stumble onto some piece of buried treasure you didn't expect.

Today I opened a strange new browser and stumbled onto this nugget, an article exposing the horrors of celebrity over exposure. Genius, I thought. What better way to stick it to celebrities who are over exposed than to write an article about them replete with full color photos and a description of all of their current exploits? They are clearly applying the "Old Time Rock and Roll" method of diplomacy made famous by Bob Seger. Seger, as you'll recall, had had it with new music that "ain't got the same soul" so he decided to write some new music about how much new music sucks. Touche Mr. Seger, you cut them to the quick!

The article was in Forbes Magazine's online edition. Forbes? Remember when that was about money and power and being a closeted gay magazine publisher? Once the Capitalist Tool and the voice of the Reagan years, now they're telling me that Jessica Simpson has a line of "edible" bath and body treats called Dessert Beauty...which I can only imagine tastes like silicone and desperation.

The article goes on to quote Star magazine's Bonnie Fuller as saying "for somebody who is less talented, it can often give them a career that they wouldn't have had at all," she says. "It may not last for that long, but it does give them something for a while."

And really America, isn't that the least we could do? Give people something to do for awhile? These poor unfortunately gorgeous people with limitless amounts of cash aimlessly wandering about the world mating with other similarly shackled individuals. How can they live like that? They know nothing of the beauties of the thankless job or living paycheck to paycheck. They don't know the simple joys of living off of credit or missing a student loan payment. So isn't suffering through Employee of the Month the LEAST we could do for our little Jessica?

Labels: Bob Seger, Comedy, Hollywood, Jessica Simpson, Malcolm Forbes