The Intelligence Estimate

Here's the first draft of this year's Christmas letter. Some of you may be getting a hard copy of the finished product...so try to act surprised when it shows up in your mailbox.
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Dear Friends,

I must admit I’m a little stumped as to how to proceed with this letter. I haven’t read very many of these holiday letters, and I only remember what I DIDN’T like about the ones that I did read. For example I’m baffled as to the tense of the letter. Do I talk about myself in the 3rd person as though I’m not really me? Do I pretend like we’re both writing this letter? Or there’s always the ever-repulsive “Letter Written From The Point of View of the Pet.” Here’s a little secret, our cat can’t write. However, for those of you interested in a litter box view of the world I suggest reading “Garfield.” He’s a little tricky to find because he’s only syndicated in about 30 million papers worldwide, but his hilarious hatred of dogs and days of the week are well worth the effort you’ll expend in finding him.

Well, in the pursuit of full disclosure I feel I should tell you that Jen is NOT writing this letter. So some of the information about her may be a bit lacking or just out and out lies. Also, while our lives may seem interesting to the uninitiated, let me tell you that we, the people who lived them, are not so enamored. If you are similarly uninterested I suggest you turn back now before it’s too late. For the rest of you….

Jennifer and I got married on December 4, 2004. If you didn’t already know that I don’t know why we are sending you this letter. Because of my job at the Civic Center of Greater Des Moines there was no way we could do a “real” honeymoon, so we waited until March to take a trip. We decided upon Los Angeles because Jen has relatives near there we could visit while in the area. The day before we left for Los Angeles we were informed that Jen had been accepted into the accelerated nursing program at Loyola University in Chicago. Pragmatically this meant we had three months to find housing and jobs in Chicago. Luckily we got to freak out on the always-balmy West Coast!

While in L.A. we went to Venice Beach, Griffith Park (Home of the Hollywood sign), The Getty Center and saw a sketch comedy show at The Groundlings. We would have done more museums in L.A. but they are all closed on Mondays. You can get no culture in L.A. on a Monday. And, as if to prove that fact, on Monday night the Lakers played the Clippers! We spent a few days in L.A. before moving out to Anaheim. We stayed in a Best Western that was right across the street from a Best Western. (I think they may have saturated the motel market in Anaheim.) We did Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure. Both were fantastic. We then moved on to Palm Dessert where Jen’s uncle Roger and his partner Dick live. We spent a lot of time with them just catching up. I’d never met them, so I had 29 years worth of things they needed to know about.

When we landed back in Des Moines we realized that we hadn’t done nearly enough freaking out while we were in L.A. So Jen arranged to visit Loyola and while she was there she found a great apartment across the street from the campus. That took care of the housing issue, however we were still a little fuzzy on where the money to pay rent was going to come from. I had interviews with two theaters, The Goodman and Drury Lane Water Tower Place, for part time ticket office positions. I got them both. A week after I accepted the jobs I got a call from Water Tower Place saying that the assistant manager left the ticket office and they would like to offer that position. I took it.

I moved to Chicago on May 1st and stayed with Jen’s stepbrother and sister-in-law, Pat and Linda because we couldn’t move into our apartment until June 1. Jen stayed behind to settle our accounts and get things in order before her freshman orientation started. She moved in with me in Pat and Linda’s spare room two weeks later. Memorial Day weekend we went back home for a LONG weekend of packing, lifting, loading and swearing.

We moved into our new apartment on June 1st. We spent WEEKS unpacking. In fact there are still some boxes we haven’t gone through and may not get to before we move again. Jen dove into school and I drown in work.

I auditioned for an improv troupe that was being created at The Playground Theater. I was accepted. We perform a few times a month a rehearse every week. It’s a lot of fun.
Jen was quoted in an article in the Chicago Tribune about Loyola’s accelerated nursing program. Somehow she managed to work in a CIA agent’s name and life around here hasn’t been the same since.

I performed in the First Annual Iowa Fringe Festival with The Brink, my improv troupe in Des Moines. They asked me back to fill up a hole in their line-up. It was a lot of fun.
In September Jen participated in a dedication to the profession called “The Blessing of the Hands.” Her mom and stepfather came up to witness the ceremony and take in some sights. I got them tickets to see the show that was playing at Drury Lane. (A show that starred TV’s Ms. Katherine Helmond! Will someone please pick up that name I just dropped?!)

In mid-September my boss got unceremoniously fired for reasons that were never made clear to anyone. So, I got a “promotion” again, albeit one without any pay raise or additional benefits. All I got was the extra work and none of the authority to carry it out. I took that as a sign and promptly started to look for another job. Never being one to settle, I took two. I began working for The Blue Man Group on October 25. I work part time in the ticket office and part time on the run crew. I love it.

Jen has been VERY busy with school. She has finished one rotation of clinical experiences and is in her second round right now. She did a medical/surgical rotation and is currently doing her pediatric/OB rotation. She has not killed anyone yet and our supply of medical swabs is so great we may soon start our own hospital. It’s a win/win situation really. Because she didn’t think she was busy enough, Jen also took a job with a medical transcription company called Transcription Relief Services. Between work, school, performances and friends, we basically see each other for about three minutes a day. Usually one of us is going to bed while the other one is getting up. Luckily we have photos to remind each of us what the other looks like.