The Intelligence Estimate

*COPS is filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement*
*Cue the cheesy faux-reggae stylings of Inner Circle's one and only hit..."Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you...."*
*Roll the montage of shirtless ne'er-do-well's and roustabouts getting into zany hijinx and shenanigans.*

I got pulled over Friday night on my way home to Mom's. I was traveling down Highway 30 near Tama/Toledo, Iowa. I was following a red car that was following another car that I couldn't see. The two of them would speed up and slow down and speed up and slow down. After 5 and a half hours on the road I had lost patience with anyone who wasn't traveling as fast as I wanted to. So I decided to pass the red car.

For the record, if it please the court, I'm on a long stretch of open road. I haven't seen another car for miles. There is no one coming. And in the interest of full disclosure, when I passed I was going over the speed limit. In the heat of the moment I decided that I would go ahead and pass the OTHER car as well. So I passed them both. This was about 4 miles outside of Toledo, Iowa.

Well, when you arrive in Toledo you immediately come to a stop sign at the intersection of Highway 63. When I got there a cop was waiting on the other side of the intersection and as soon as I turned on to 63 he flung his lights on and I pulled over. As I pulled into the parking lot of the convenience store I realized that there was not ONE cop, but THREE! Actually there were two city cops and one county sheriff's officer.

The sheriff's officer came up to my window and immediately started with the attitude.

"You in a hurry to get someplace?" You mean like anywhere but Toledo, Iowa? Yes!

"Yeah. I'm going home and I'm a bit late. Was I speeding?"

"Is that why you passed me in a no passing zone?" Apparently he was OTHER car in front of that red car I passed. And he decided that his best course of action was to call me in to the city cops, trail me for four miles and then make a big scene out of pulling me over with two other cops for back up. I guess he thought he was taking down the Jesse James of moving violations.

"I didn't realized that I'd done that, I'm sorry." It was a bit of a lie, but...wait, no it was entirely a lie. But he was being an ass and I didn't want to get a ticket so I felt somehow justified. But he keeps up the attitude.

"You didn't realized you passed me?"
"No, I remember passing two cars, I just didn't realize it was a no passing zone."

Apparently Enus didn't want to hear any of that.

"Well they put up BIG signs out there that say no passing. And in case you didn't notice, it's winter out here. The roads aren't safe!"

I didn't have the heart to tell Sheriff Storm Front that I'd been driving for five and a half hours I knew the condition of the roads better than he did because, again, he was an ass and I didn't want a ticket.

"You're license ever been revoked or suspended?"
"No."

Somewhere in this mess I gave him my license. He handed it back.

"Ok...well...pay more attention next time." And he walked away in a huff.

I don't think he missed out on giving me a ticket out of any generosity of spirit or that he was seduced by my charm. He left my vehicle as pissed off as he approached it. It seemed more like he wanted to give me a ticket but he had to be at his wife's company Christmas party in 10 minutes. So the James Gang lives to ride another day!

*Fade to black, roll credits.*
*More insufferable reggae music*