The Intelligence Estimate

I tried to do laundry tonight and it turned into an epic quest for quarters.

I originally was 2 quarters short of being able to dry my clothes, so I decided that I was going to go to the pizza place up the block and get some dinner and a dollar in quarters. So I get back and throw my laundry in the only two driers we have, throw my money in them and press the button. This is the part where, in an normal life, the driers fire up and toast the clothes to a fluffy golden brown and everyone lives happily ever after. Not here. The first drier roars to life just fine. The second one dims the lights in the room and dies. I try again, same results. I try a third time and this time it not only dims the lights but sucks enough power to actually kill the other drier. So I restart the first drier and then try to start the second drier which now doesn't even go through the motions of being a working piece of electrical equipment. So now I need more quarters...again.

I rummage through the house, which I know will turn up nothing because I've already done it when I was searching for the LAST set of quarters. But I stumble upon some old tokens from a laundromat in Des Moines and I figure "What the hell!" I run downstairs to try out my fake quarters and realize that I've left them up in the apartment. I run back up and try again, this time WITH the tokens. And, of course, they don't work.

I return to the apartment to regroup. I throw on my jacket and leave the apartment for the dorm next door. They have a laundry facility in the front of the building. I've seen it through the window a hundred times. They have to have a change machine there. So I wander through the needlessly winding halls and finally stumble upon the laundry facilities. But they use a stupid card system to pay for their laundry. You have to put money on the card and then put the card in the laundry machines. It's all very high tech. Like living in the not-too-distant future. It's how I assume the Jetson's did their laundry. Well the Jetson's had a robot maid to do the laundry for them, but the principal still applies. I go to the next room where there is a Coke machine and a candy machine both with dollar bill changers on them. I put a bill in the candy machine and hit the coin return button hoping for quarters. I just got my dollar bill back. Next I move to the Coke machine. It won't even TAKE my dollar. I leave. My dignity stays behind to kick the washers and driers.

I walk to the student union figuring that there must be a dollar bill changer THERE! Long story short, there wasn't. So a half an hour and a lot of swear words later I made my way to the train station and got some quarters from the convenience store there.

And when I get back to the laundry room in our apartment building the first load of laundry is done drying. I go to get the clothes out and, guess what? They are STILL WET!

Honestly, Public Television doesn't have to beg this hard for money!