The Intelligence Estimate

When using the escalator at the train station please remember this one simple rule, "It ain't a freakin' ride so move your fat ass!"

Let me paint a picture for you. I know the big city is a scary place and you want/need time to stop and gawk, but the train station is not the place to do this. Trust me, if you took time to stop and take in the sights at the train station you would never take public transportation ever again. So please, as incomprehensible as this may be to you, move it tubby!

Why, you ask? Well, sometimes there are people, people not unlike me, who are in a hurry to get somewhere. Like...and I'm just pulling things out of thin air (or in your case FAT air) here...like they are late for a show for example. And as they were speed walking from their home they watched the train pull into the station. And, theoretically, they ran across the street, swept into the station, scanned their CTA card and darted to the escalator only to have all of their forward momentum arrested completely by your total inability to put one hoof in front of the other. And then, just as the escalator crested the hill and the train pulls away your skinny little wisp of a boyfriend (who, in a side note, is only with you because he's afraid if he tries to leave you you'll eat him!) says, "Honey, I think he's in a hurry."

So, to recap: you're fat, your boyfriend fears you and I hate you. Go cry in your bacon fat!