The Intelligence Estimate

A lot of people tell me that I remind them of someone. If I'm lucky it's a nice uncle or a cousin they haven't seen in a long time. But most of the time it is a celebrity of some stripe...which is unfortunate for both myself and the celebrity. For myself: because that person now has a whole catalog of feelings toward me that has nothing whatsoever to do with me. For The celebrity: because those poor bastards have to look like me. Here's round one of the quiz sensation: Aren't You Somebody?

#1) Drew Carey

This is a recent one. It only started after I got my new glasses. Frankly, anyone with these glasses looks a little bit like Drew Carey. My real problem here is not that people make that connection, it's that they are being intellectually lazy. Plenty of other people wear these glasses, including other celebrities. But no one ever says, "You know what? You look a lot like Elvis Costello." And more's the pity.













On a scale of 100 though, I give this pairing a 90. But only THE OLD Drew Carey. He got Lasik surgery and doesn't wear the glasses anymore. On his own, without the glasses I give it a 45.

#2) Quentin Tarantino

This is another one whose time has come and gone but still makes the occasional appearance. I grew my hair out for a play I did a few years ago and then the likeness was more apparent. But I was told only a few months ago that I look like Quentin so apparently there is something more here that I don't see. Looking more at the pictures I think I look more like Quentin's fat cousin...more like uhhh...maybe Ethan Tarantino.














On a scale of 100, I give this a 60. If they mean Tarantino the director I give it an 80, if they mean Tarantino the actor I give it a 12.

#3) That one guy...the one that was in that movie...you know the guy!

I was on the train about a month ago. It was late, I was coming home from a late show at work. There was a VERY drunk man on the train who was talking to everyone. No one was talking to him, but that did not stop him. He kept telling us all that he was DRUNK! Like we couldn't tell. I had my iPod on so I was actively ignoring the guy. That did not deter him. He came right up to my, inches from my face, and started to make his case for my celebrityhood. "You look like that guy...doesn't he look like that guy? You know the guy! The one from that movie. The one where they...oh...that guy! Who do you look like?" My standby answer in these situations is, "my mother," but I was not going to help this guy out. I wasn't alone in that sentiment. No one else was helping him out either, which made him guess all the more feverishly. "Oh! That guy! He was in that movie with the thing! You know the one. Why don't you tell me? Who is that guy? I don't know. But you look like him." I can only assume this is what he was talking about...














On a scale of 100, I'd give it...uhhhh...98.