The Intelligence Estimate

Blah, blah, blah, we tried to buy a rug, yadda, yadda, yadda, these people are idiots. Let's move on shall we?

Episode 4, Return to Witch Mountain

Tuesday, August 29

Against my will and better judgement I agreed to go with Jen back to Wickes Furniture and ask the sales staff the seemingly ridiculous question, "Why did we have to order a rug when you have one in the store?" I agreed to go back because Jen had posed a question to me that I hadn't even considered: "If the rug is in the clearance room why are we paying the normal price for it? Couldn't we be getting it cheaper and have it NOW?" Now, loyal readers with a long attention span (I don't know who you are!) will remember that they agreed to knock $50 off the original price because the rug and the furniture set were not going to be made anymore so they wanted to get rid of them. Well any goodwill that might have gained them was more than used up in the ensuing aggravation of phone calls and misunderstandings. I now wanted, nay demanded, a clearance priced rug!

When we got to the store we made a game plan. We get in, we get to the clearance room and check the price and then reorganize from there. It all went off like the precision military drill that it was until we noticed that the rug was exactly the same price as the one we were getting.

How is that a clearance price? I asked. Jen didn't know.

"Do you still want the rug?"

Hell yes! I want THAT rug. The one on the floor right now and I'm not leaving here until I have it!

"Ok, let's get someone."

We wrangled Davis, a seemingly energetic salesman, and explained to him the myriad ways we'd been screwed by them and how we wanted to have the rug we saw before us.

"Well...let me see. They don't make this rug anymore. We ordered yours from our warehouse in Carol Stream. The original order was placed incorrectly by Suzanna. And now we've ordered yours and it will be here on Wednesday of next week."

Have you noticed that whenever I tell someone that I have a problem all they do is tell me the facts of the situation without ever really making even the most meager attempt at solving it? Like I don't KNOW that's what's gone on? I've been here every step of the way. YOU'RE the one who doesn't know what's going on or else I would have a rug to take home right now!

"Suzanna placed the order. Is this the rug you wanted? (points to the CORRECT rug on the floor) Yeah. That wasn't the one that came in today, but that is the one I ordered. It will be in next week."

Can we have a moment alone please?

He left. I was beyond livid. I felt like I was lost in bizarro world and everyone was coated in a thick veneer of stupidity. When I was talking to them I could actually see my logic bouncing off of them. As I was ranting to Jen our old friend Suzanna came in to say a few words. Amongst them was the old chestnut I'd been dying to hear all along, "I'm sorry." But basically all she did was apologize for ordering the wrong rug and make not attempt to set it right, and she did all of that in the context of telling me what had happened at every step of the way. I got the impression that: A) they are used to dealing with very rich, very inbred people, very stupid people who will turn on them unless soothed with familiar stories and a shiny ring of keys and B) they were really so stupid that they couldn't remember the story themselves and needed to keep repeating it for their own peace of mind and not my own.

These opinions were further confirmed when Davis returned a few minutes later and we asked him why we couldn't take the rug before us home tonight.

"Oh...you don't want that rug....it's...it's dirty."

I don't care. That's the rug I want.

"Really? Look at all the stuff in it."

Are you telling me that the only thing keeping me from taking this rug home today is vanity and pride? I don't care. We have a vacuum cleaner at home. We'll take care of it.

"Well, this is only sold as a set. If we sold you this rug then we would have to order another one to sell with this couch."

You already have another one that is on its way from Carol Stream right now. The one you ordered for us.

"Yes, that is your rug."

Not yet. We haven't paid for anything. What's to stop us from cancelling our order and walking out of here with THIS rug tonight? Then you have a replacement rug and we have what we want.

"You can't cancel the order. We can't break this set."

Did you hear that? The actual reason I can't get what I want is because they cannot break the set. But the first reason I got for it was that the rug was dirty and I certainly didn't want a dirty rug. This offended me for so many reasons I didn't even know where to begin, but the one I settled for was that he thought I was so stupid that it would work on me.

After a lot more impotent bitching we left the store rugless yet again.

"It will be in next week. We will call you when it comes in."

Right. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and apparently you become a regular customer at Wickes Furniture. However, I do consider this day a victory in the sense that no one got hurt and their store is still standing. But there is always next time. Remember, I have a week now to plot my revenge. So be sure to tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion to our saga: Area Rug 51, Episode 5: We Won't Get Fooled Again!

Labels: Anger, Lost Post, Rug, Saga, Wickes Furniture