According to a story in the Guardian Unlimited Chinese surgeons have attached a donor penis to a man who lost his in an accident. (As opposed to someone who honestly misplaced it. Try between the couch cushions because it's always in the last place you look!)
The accident left the man with a one centimeter (less than a 1/4 0f an inch for Americans, Burmese and Liberians who are the only people in the world who can't wrap their heads around the metric system) penis. When the surgery was complete he was endowed with a 10 centimeter, or roughly 4 inch (Come on! Metric is so logical, what's the problem?!) penis. Now, that doesn't sound like the surgeons did him any favors, but presumably that 4 inches is a penis at leisure. When roused to action who knows what kind of heavy lifting he'll be capable of accomplishing.
The surgeons announced the the body had fully accepted the new member and that it had a robust blood supply and the man was able to urinate normally.
Then, half way through the article they unleash my favorite paragraph in the history of the written word: "Although the operation was a surgical success, surgeons said they had to remove the penis two weeks later. 'Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off,' Dr (Weilie) Hu said."
Wow, who could have seen that coming? The surgery was a success, but we're taking the penis back. No, really, we're keeping it. Just drop it on the table when you leave, ok? And don't you can fool us, we're patting you down when you walk outta here!
And how about that tactful bedside manner, huh? His penis "had to be cut off." Presumably that was the third or fourth draft of that press statement. I'm sure the early drafts were much worse. "His penis was hacked from his body. No, not descriptive enough. His engorged man meat was savagely sawed from his battered body. Good, good, good. Nice alliteration. Let's shoot it round to the boys in PR and see what they think."
And for as emasculating as it is to lose your penis once, how much more embarrassing is it to lose it twice? That's just careless. Forget the couch cushions, you got bigger problems.
They never go into the specifics of what that "psychological problem" he and his wife had with it, but I imagine it was the sex with the stranger in his pants that queered the deal. I also like to think that maybe he starting having affairs all over town and tried to cover it with, "but honey I can hardly be responsible for this it's not even MY penis!" How sad to have your life reduced to a third rate Benny Hill sketch.
Labels: Embarassment, Lost Post, Marriage, Medical Oddities, Penis, Weird News
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