Have you been feeling a little smarter than normal lately? It's like due to The Associated Press' week long ban on reporting about Paris Hilton. The wire service giant decided to run a little experiment because, "...editors just wanted to see what would happen if we didn't cover this media phenomenon, this creature of the Internet gossip age, for a full week. After that, we'd take it day by day. Would anyone care? Would anyone notice? And would that tell us something interesting?"
The answers, across the board, were a resounding "NO." In fact, the only reason anyone knew that the AP had stopped reporting on Paris Hilton was that they read about it in a news story FROM THE ASSOCIATED PRESS! In a still more perplexing feat of journalistic gymnastics the story then went on to recount every minute of Paris' life from the past week. (Selling perfume to Puerto Rico you say? DO TELL!) Fox News, which ran the AP story, even went so far as to add a link to even more stories about Paris Hilton. Say what you will about those compassion deficient bastards at Fox News (Don't mind if I do. AHEM! They eat the hearts of newborn children!) but they knew how badly you've been needing a Paris fix!
What finally broke the Paris news embargo? Paris got ticketed for driving with a suspended license, a bit of information that, by the AP's own admission, is not news. And yet they readily admit to putting out a 300 word story on it. So in one sentence they can deride other news sources for awarding this talentless pile of steaming entitlement her celebrity status and in the next sentence cater to the celebrity junkies who want to pick through the contents of her latest bowel movement. (And by bowel movement I mean "album." She doesn't make the distinction, why should I?)
Well rest assured that our long collective nightmare of informative news gathering is at an end and soon we can settle back into the comforting rhythm of nursing at the tit of celebrity news. The irrelevance WILL be televised!
Labels: Associated Press, Fox News, Hollywood, Internet, News, Paris Hilton
Fox News has lost it's freakin' mind. Here are the top three stories on Fox News as of 11:54 a.m. :
Cops: Man Paints Goats, Leaves Porn to Harass NY Neighbor
Report: The Wiggles' Lead Singer May Quit Due to Illness
Britney Spears, Out With Paris Hilton, Flashes Nether Region
I never thought I'd live to see the day when Britney Spears' snatch would take precedence over the War on Christmas, War on Terror and War on Common Sense that rages over at Fox News. The Democrats run the House and the Senate so I find it VERY hard to believe that there isn't some preemptive bitching that could be done about them driving us all toward a catastrophic end and a premature rapture.
Although I will give them credit for getting the terms "Goat," "Wiggles," and Britney Spear's "Nether Regions" altogether on a "news" site.
Labels: Britney Spears, Fox News, Goats, Naughty, News, Paris Hilton, Wiggles
