The Intelligence Estimate

I'm taping the State of the Union address right now so please don't tell me how it ends. I wanna be surprised to find out which country we're going to war with next. I got my eye on you Venezuela!

Labels: Politics, President Bush

According to an article in gay.com "scientists" at Oregon State University at working to turn gay sheep straight.

I'm gonna give that sentence a moment or two to sink in. Gay sheep, turned straight. University of Oregon. Research. Working. "Scientists." Ok? Let's continue.

Gay sheep. Before you begin any serious discussion about gay sheep (if there can in fact BE a serious conversation about the sexual preference of domesticated animals) you must first ask yourself, "How do you know the sheep are gay?" If I was forced to guess I would have to say that perhaps the gay sheep spend an unhealthy amount of time in a fraternity, but that is hardly scientific. Who had the unenviable job of sorting through the herd of sheep and determining which of the rams like to be rammed? Presumably lonely, socially awkward farm kids. In which case, didn't the sheep really just have gay thrust upon him...so to speak?

But in order for the issue to move any farther I suppose we need to conceed the point that gay sheep do exist and that that is where fabulous sweaters come from. Ok, point taken. But then the question becomes, how does one make a gay sheep straight? I'll let the gay.com article handle that explanation.

"According to the animal rights group PETA, Oregon Health and Science University experimenter Charles Roselli is medicating sheep to prevent the actions of hormones in their fetal brains. Roselli is also dissecting the brains of "male-oriented" (homosexual) rams in order to find the hormonal mechanisms behind homosexual tendencies . Once found, he hopes to change them."

Ahhhh, well, there you have it. Find out and change it. Uh-huh. There couldn't be more straight forward a scientific practice than that. Find it and change it. Perfectly clear. In fairness he's not saying that he WILL change it, only that he HOPES to change it. This seems to fall under the Bush Administration's Office of Faith-Based Science.

And what possible good could come from this tax-supported science, you ask? "According to the grant applications, the experimenters plan to extrapolate the test results to humans -- with the insidious implication that homosexuality in people can be 'cured.'"

For those of you who are keeping score of the science initiatives the Bush Administration will fund that's a NO on curing diseases with stem cell research and a YES to curing homosexuality.

Labels: Anger, Gay, Gay.com, News, Politics, President Bush, Religion, Science, Weird News

Clearly Alberto Fernandez needs to be in the loop a little more.

Fernandez, a senior State Department official, was quoted by CNN's web site as saying, '"History will decide what role the United States played," he said in Arabic, based on CNN translations. "And, God willing, we tried to do our best in Iraq. "But I think there is a big possibility (inaudible) for extreme criticism and because undoubtedly there was arrogance and stupidity from the United States in Iraq."'

To make matters worse, he said that on Al Jazeera... the Fox News of the Middle East.

Obviously he hadn't heard that President Bush had, only days before, convened a meeting with high level authorities on Iraq and released this statement: "I've had an uplifting and heartwarming conversation with fellow citizens of all ages from across our country who are supporting our troops. These folks don't really care about politics; what they care about is how best to send a strong message to the men and women who wear our uniform that America supports them."

That press release carried the revealing title of "President Bush Meets With Organizations That Support The United States Military in Iraq and Afghanistan." As opposed to those Algonquin Round Table salons he's used to holding with the the great minds of the day. (Henry Kissinger, I'm looking at YOU!)

So I guess that it is no surprise that today Fernendez said that he misspoke when he talked to Al Jazeera. '"This represents neither my views nor those of the State Department. I apologize," the statement (from Fernandez) said.' No, the view that the our efforts in Iraq are stupid is merely the belief 55% of the American public. Thankfully none of that 55% has any decision making capacity in Washington D.C. or else the terrorists would have already won.

In a related story, the Merriam-Webster word of the day for Sunday was, "weltschmerz: a mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state."

Labels: Al Jazeera, Alberto Fernandez, CNN, Fox News, Military, President Bush, Presidential Announcements, Republican Party, State Department, Wag The Dog, White House

I present to you today a new, relatively self-explanatory segment called "He Said...He Meant...." First on the chopping block? This Statement by President Bush on a population milestone.

He Said...
For more than two centuries, America has been a beacon of hope and opportunity for people around the world, millions of whom came here to live in freedom and make better lives for themselves and their families. Today, we celebrate a significant milestone - the population of the United States has now reached 300 million. Our continued growth is a testament to our country's dynamism and a reminder that America's greatest asset is our people.

America is built on a shared love of freedom and a belief in the dignity and matchless value of every human being. Our confidence in our people has carried us to ever greater achievements in all areas of human endeavor and allowed us to remain the world's most vibrant and innovative country. And so long as we insist on high standards in education, place our trust in the talents and ingenuity of ordinary Americans, and protect our freedoms, we will remain the land of opportunity for generations to come. We welcome this milestone as further proof that the American Dream remains as bright and hopeful as ever.

He Meant
For more than two centuries, America has been a beacon of hope and opportunity for people around the world...and we're OK with that as long as they stay in their godless, unpronounceable little hell holes of perpetual poverty. Those sweat shops aren't gonna staff themselves, you know?

However, millions of them insisted on coming here to live in freedom and make better lives for themselves and their families. Today, we celebrate a significant milestone - the population of the United States has now reached 300 million. Our continued growth is a testament to our country's dynamism. It is also a stern rebuke to the enemies of freedom that would have you believe that the policies of my administration are making this country unfit to live in. I say to those people, "if that were true, would our population keep increasing?" Ha, gotcha!

This is also a reminder that America's greatest asset is our people. Because it is people, not corporations, that pay taxes. It is people, not legislators, who fight wars. It is people, not presidents, who get blamed when the shit hits the fan. And believe me, there is some shit out there.

America is built on a shared love of freedom and a belief in the dignity and matchless value of every human being. It was also built on the back of slaves. Lesser minds would find that ironic, even contradictory. I am not one of those minds. We rescued the darkies from their barbaric land of death and destruction and gave them a more peaceful way of life here in our cotton fields and tobacco farms. So too today we show our less fortunate brethren that same kind of opportunity for advancement. With decades of mind numbing labor and significant credit card debt, they too can hope to one day live the American Dream.

Our confidence in our people has carried us to ever greater achievements in all areas of human endeavor and allowed us to remain the world's most vibrant and innovative country. And so long as we insist on high standards in education we will be disappointed. Better to So long as we place our trust in the talents and ingenuity of ordinary Americans we can make a swift dollar off of them. Hooray for the dirty immigrants!

Political Subtext
Latinos vote.

Labels: He Said...He Meant..., Immigration, Politics, President Bush, Presidential Announcements, Republican Party